In a past life, I wore flip-flops to puberty’s sock hop and got tossed out for being too clunky on my feet.
I flunked carnal knowledge in 10th grade but had much better luck in summer school.
I scavenged all the smoke on the water and used it to create a fog machine for rock concerts.
I constructed a statue of Christopher Columbus so that I could promptly hurl it into a river.
I created a psychic laundromat where one could cleanse themselves of their deepest regrets.
I invented a duct tape that could heal love-lost heartbreak.
I believed the T-Rex would’ve been a much happier creature if he’d had bigger arms to hug other animals.