Past Life Re-Do’s

In a past life, I wore flip-flops to puberty’s sock hop and got tossed out for being too clunky on my feet.

I flunked carnal knowledge in 10th grade but had much better luck in summer school.

I scavenged all the smoke on the water and used it to create a fog machine for rock concerts.

I constructed a statue of Christopher Columbus so that I could promptly hurl it into a river.

I created a psychic laundromat where one could cleanse themselves of their deepest regrets.

I invented a duct tape that could heal love-lost heartbreak.

I believed the T-Rex would’ve been a much happier creature if he’d had bigger arms to hug other animals.

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