When bad luck crank calls you in the middle of the night, tell it you already gave at the office. Insist it should dial 911, report itself missing. That it should learn how to harmonize with jukeboxes, unbend its pent-up despair into pop songs of do no wrong. When bad luck crank calls you in the middle of the night, recommend it should buy some serendipity gum, learn how to blow bubbles of fun. Maybe do something more productive with its time—learn to play an instrument, feed the homeless. Give it the number of a reliable shrink or priest. Wish it well. Send bad luck on its way. Tell it goodbye was the perfect word invented for moments like these.