The monk telephone sits in silence. The rude neighbor telephone rings when you’re trying to sleep. With the tombstone telephone, you don’t hear it till you’re dead and gone. With the Trump telephone, you can’t trust anything it says at all. The Johnny Cash telephone has a ring of fire. The guillotine telephone rings your head off. The hangover telephone doesn’t ring, it moans. The coitus interruptus telephone doesn’t allow you to hang on, it just leaves you hanging. The Fourth of July telephone doesn’t seem to offer as much freedom as it used to.